Walking on Sunshine

It’s official…I LOVE my life! Not the yeah I had a good day kind of love, but the head over heels, completely twitterpeated, can’t stop grinning goofishly kind of love. I literally feel like I’m walking on clouds, and I have that “Mr. Bluebird’s on my shoulder” song looping through my head. I never knew that was possible. At first I was terrified that I was experiencing an extreme mood swing, which is terrifying because those swings go both ways…..but….after a couple of months it’s kind of becoming a habit.

Let’s look at work. I had the best day at work today.
-Settled in
-had a group pickup supplies for a cleanup of Town Lake
-looked at options for displaying recycled material with Monica
-had a group bring back some tools they’d borrowed and thank us for being so easy to work with
-got asked for advice about the Longhorn Recycle Roundup by Monica (which is really cool because I respect her work and opinons so much and it’s nice to know she thinks the same way)
-went to our Tool Shack to help a group that was returning recycling bins they’d borrowed for the Austin Ice Cream Festival and she said “I’m so excited by all you guys do!”
-took the office recycling by Ecology-Action
-met a new Adopt-a-Creek group at their creek segment (which was out of this world gorgeous for being hidden in a housing subdivision, maidenhair fern, dragonflies, waterfalls…beauuuutiful) -had an entire church youth group cram themselves into our office to thank us for helping them with their cleanup.
How cool is that?! Yeah, yeah…there was also a lot of paper shuffling and answering the same questions again and again, but really…isn’t that a fantabulous day?

Now I’m off for a run with my co-worker, home to grab my bike, cycle to Zilker Park, Blues on the Green/dancing in front of the stage, and then to wrap it all up…night swim at Barton Springs. I’ll be grinning goofishly the whole time.

Manana (with ~ over the 1st n)

is my 87 year old cousin Frank’s favorite word and philosophy. Last night I took a night off (ie I’d already spent 11 hours at work, volunteering, and running errands and then decided to take the night off) to drink wine and watch “So You Think You Can Dance”. Of course, guilt immediately set in…I needed to work out…I still have two boxes of stuff from moving that need to be unpacked…I really should do laundry/write a letter to my grandparents/do more volunteering admin stuff….I mean come one, it’s what a good Northern Irish girl should do.

This is where Frank’s idea of manana and my Dad’s philosophy of “Why put off until tomorrow what could be done today?” crash into each other leaving me wedged between.

Thankfully, the Spanish(?) bottle of wine came to my rescue. (?) because while the bottle claimed that it’s from Spain the writing was in English…odd. Anyway the Spanish bottle proceeded to tell me (in English) that the wine came from Spain where everyone appreciates life and lives each day to the fullest and puts off what can be done the next day until then. Wine obviously can not be put off. So that sealed the deal.

I slipped into red wine relaxation and thoroughly enjoyed watching dancing for 2 hours with the only interruption being my mind drifting back to Botswana where they definitely believe in manana. I’m convinced that I’m British in my head and Tswana in my heart.

Faith

Sunday, was the first time I’d ever been with someone when they died. I wish I’d been there for my American grandparents, but the hospital said that I was too young so I had to wait downstairs while the grownups got to say goodbye. They said that when my Pops passed away three tears rolled out of his eyes, one for each grandchild. Maybe if we’d been there he wouldn’t have had to cry because he’d have known that we were with him.

I still can’t believe that Fletcher’s gone. One minute I was holding his hand to try and make it warm again while stroking his hair and the next he stopped breathing. He’d said that he was ready to go, and we told ourselves that we would let him go when it was time but it was still excruciating. They made us leave the room while they tried to revive him until Edna told them they could stop. When they let us back in after cleaning him a bit Edna threw herself on top of her body in the most anguish I’ve ever seen anyone experience. Monday would have been their 55th wedding anniversary. I stayed with Edna while their daughter drove to their son’s house to tell him in person and we kept talking about heaven and how nice it would be for him to see my grandparents, the child they lost when he was only 3 months old, his parents, and all of his friends that went before him….and I wish I knew. I wish I knew deep in my heart that is what happens. That Fletcher really can walk again and that he’s up there telling jokes and watching over us, but I don’t. I don’t know and that’s incredibly painful.

Last night I went to McKinney Falls by myself to ride my bike along the trails and think. I came around a corner and found myself face to face with a lone deer. A young male with new antlers and a fresh coat and we just stared at each other for a long time. He even took a step toward me, but then a hiker came up and startled him. While I was looking into the deer’s eyes I felt peaceful. After my ride I went and swam at the lower falls. I sank to the bottom, held on to a rock, and let the current sway my body. It was so quiet and calm. The only noise was of the current tumbling a few rocks. Floating on the surface I watched birds settle in for the night and the breeze move the delicate leaves of the cypress trees and I wish Fletcher and my grandparents and great aunt and uncle and all the other people I’ve lost could have been there with me.