Enough

Is it possible to ever feel like you’re enough? Good, brave, strong, faithful, devoted, caring, fun, athletic, adventurous, giving, patient, knowledgeable, … When is enough, enough? And how can I feel content one day and other days feel like I’ve come up completely short? If I look at any of my friends I’d say they far exceed enough but when I look at myself there’s always something more I could have/should have/would have done.

Today is was brief portion of an email, “What needs to be done in the South East area of Austin???? Being that this is what your KAB does, if you could throw some ideas my way, that would be great.”

It’s a small church group that wants to get more involved in their part of town, and I’d give a lot to have the time to meet with them for coffee like they asked, go out to the site, scout out projects, train them on how to rally the community, help find funds for the projects,.but I can’t. There simply isn’t enough staff time to keep all of the programs running and have this level of involvement with a group that’s just starting out (and as unfortunately my experience has shown only handful of these enthusiastic groups keep the enthusiasm up through completion of projects). I have this almost overpowering urge to offer to meet with them on my personal time (like I do all too often for my own good) to encourage them and get them started, but I’ve been trying to cut back on this since I’m already overcommitted on volunteer projects and want to have time to spend with my friends and myself. So in the end, I end up feeling selfish (which everyone tells me is irrational) because I tell them no I can’t meet them after work because I need to do things like laundry and pay bills.

I feel like a failure and unworthy.

If I hadn’t watched Dancing with the Stars last night, just maybe...maybe I could have been enough today.